Apology

Just got out of a long hot shower, and the steam plus fatigue from not eating didn't work out so well. I completely blacked out and my legs just gave up, leaving me crumpled on the bathroom floor. I actually like when this happens though it makes me feel like I'm doing something right for once. I also got my period though, which to me is a sign of failure. If I'm not getting it means my body isn't getting enough calories. I haven't had it in a long time though so as long as I behave from now on I'm okay. This five day fast is going to be really hard with friends and all. They always notice cause they know me better than I'd like them too *sigh* but if you girls can do it so can I right?

I cut myself again, which I haven't done in a long time. I made sure to cut only my legs so I can hide them under my skinny jeans, I don't want to start peoples worrying about me. My wrists and arms are covered in old scars but I only let my besties see them, otherwise I hide them with sleaves.

I'm all out of juice so I've been surviving only on water, which I need to do WAY more often. There's no point in liquid fasts if I'm going to guzzle down enough calories for an elephant anyway.

I'll keep posted, stay strong!

-Alex